


Phoenix From The Flames

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Romance, Second War with Voldemort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:22:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phoenix From The Flames

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Molly Weasley sat finishing her meal, exchanging another concerned look with her husband. The only other person at the table, and in the whole house, didn't notice. Molly wondered briefly whether he even knew they were there. Remus was pushing the food around his plate, like he had done for the past four days, neither eating or talking, his eyes fixed on the plate.

Neither of the Weasleys knew how to help him. They'd had so many conversations about Remus over the past few days, but hadn't reached any conclusions. The fact that he hadn't cried or talked about Sirius was terribly unhealthy, Molly was sure of that. She wondered how much longer he'd be able to go without food or sleep.

She smiled around the table, knowing how fake she looked. "So, has everybody finished?" Her voice had a sort of desperately-cheerful note.

Mr Weasley nodded. "Yes dear. Thank you."

Remus nodded at her, then spoke, his voice hoarser and flatter than usual. "Thank you." He paused. "I'll clear up."

Mrs Weasley shook her head. "Oh no dear, you don't have to. I'll do it."

Remus was already standing, despite her protests. "No, please. I want to."

There was a strange pleading note in his voice, which made Mrs Weasley sit back down. Remus took the plates over to the sink, silent again. Mr and Mrs Weasley stayed still for a few minutes before leaving, desperate to escape the atmosphere of misery which had settled in the kitchen.

Remus stood at the sink, half registering the Weasleys leaving. He focused on the sink, trying to give the cutlery his full attention. In the past few days he'd taken to doing any task which would prevent him, even for a few minutes, from thinking. Washing up the longhand, muggle way was something he'd started doing every meal, though Mrs Weasley hadn't stopped protesting. When he wasn't washing up he was reading, cleaning or going to Diagon Alley to shop for Mrs Weasley. Anything to stop him from conscious thought.

Molly and Arthur knew he hadn't slept since the events of four days ago. If it wasn't obvious from his face, paler and thinner than ever, the fact that some of the rooms in 12 Grimmauld Place were rearranged and reorganised beyond recognition when the couple came down for breakfast was a clue.

The first night that had happened Mrs Weasley had sat Remus down and begged him to talk to her. She'd sat looking close to tears as he struggled to keep his face blank, wondering what to say, afraid of what he could say. He could imagine what could happen if he allowed himself to break down his barriers and talk about Sirius. "I can't deal with losing him again! Not now, not after everything! Not when I finally accepted I could have him back! It hurts so much!" He could imagine the look on her face as he broke down crying, telling her about the suicide fantasies. How with two little words he could be free from the pain, from everything. He could tell her how Sirius begged him to look after Harry if anything happened, but how could he? He could imagine Molly's look as he asked her how could he look after Harry when he felt like this? He couldn't face looking after himself, let alone a sixteen year old who was hurting as much as he was. Remus could see the pained look on Mrs Weasley's face as he told her there was no point in him carrying on, when Harry already had two surrogate parents who would do a much better job of raising Harry than he ever could.

Remus felt that if he ever started screaming or crying he'd never stop, so sat opposite Mrs Weasley as she begged him to talk, just shaking his head. "I'm okay, Molly." He wasn't and he didn't think he ever could be okay, but there was nothing else he could say.

Remus finished the last plate and wondered into the lounge, trying to work out what there was left for him to do.

~

About five hours later Mrs Weasley wondered into the lounge, looking to tell Remus goodnight, she and Mr Weasley were going to bed. She saw him sitting in one of the armchairs, it's back to her. Assuming he was reading she walked over, carrying hot chocolate. "Remus?"

When she reached the chair she saw he was holding a book, but his eyes were closed, his breathing deep and regular. She smiled grimly, relieved he'd finally submitted to the exhaustion. Putting down the mug, Mrs Weasley left the room as quietly as possible, shutting the door behind her.

~

"Lumos." In his dream, the light at the end of Remus' wand flickered on, lighting up the passageway. He knew instantly where he was. Remus followed the tunnel which lead to the Shrieking Shack, not wondering why he was there, even though there was no full moon that night. He reached the old house and made his way upstairs, knowing exactly where he was going and somehow knowing what he would find there. He reached the door in front of one of the bedrooms and paused before pushing open the door. When he did, his eyes fell on the person lounging on the bed, who smiled up at him sadly. "Padfoot."

Remus ran towards the bed and Sirius, hugging him. Remus lost track of time whilst they stayed like that, wrapped in each others arms. Eventually they sat back, Remus just staring. "I thought I'd lost you."

Sirius smiled, but the effect was only to make him look more in pain than ever. "You'll never lose me, Moony."

The tragic look of the smile brought everything back to Remus. He was aware, in the back of his mind, that he was dreaming and that all the terrible things that had happened were true. He stared into Sirius' eyes. "I miss you."

Sirius nodded, grabbing the other man's hands. "I know."

Remus was dimly aware that his vision was starting to mist over. "When you went to Azkaban it nearly killed me, Sirius. I don't know if I can deal with that again. It hurts so much."

Sirius pulled Remus back into his arms. "You'll get through it, Moony. I know you, you're a survivor. When it comes to things like this, you're stronger than me and James put together. That's part of what makes me love you so much."

Remus stared into other man's eyes, realising they too were filled with tears. "It didn't need to happen this way."

Sirius stared. "Maybe. Maybe there was a reason."

"Do you know som-....?" He stopped as Sirius shook his head.

"There just has to be."

They fell silent, before Sirius spoke again, his voice quieter. "Don't stop fighting because of this, Moony."

Remus looked away for almost the first time. "It hurts so much, Sirius."

Sirius looked back into his eyes. "You can do it. I know you can. Keep fighting, I need you too. Help Harry. Help Dumbledore destroy the Death Eaters. Stop them from ruining any more lives." Remus nodded. "I love you, Moony. I have so much faith in you."

"I love you too." Remus' voice cracked.

Sirius leant forward to kiss him. When they pulled apart, Sirius stared straight into the other man's eyes. "It's nearly over, Remus. When it is, I'll be waiting for you. Never, ever forget that, okay?"

Remus stared back, the tears blurring his vision. "I won't."

"We'll be together again, I promise. But not yet."

They kissed again, before Sirius stood up and pulled Remus towards one of the windows. Using his wand he pulled away one of the planks of wood covering it and point towards the sky. "You haven't looked at it, since what happened."

Remus looked up at the star. Sirius was smiling the sad smile again. "It's still there. It'll always be there. I'll always be there." He paused, the smile faltering. "When you look at it....." Sirius' voice was cracking. "We'll be together soon, Moony, I promise."

Remus leant up again Sirius, hugging him again. "I'll do what you said, Padfoot. Fight for you." He could feel Sirius nodding against his neck. "I'll look after Harry."

"I know you will."

When they kissed, Remus had the painful, certain belief that it would be for the last time in his life. When they broke away both men's eyes were filled with tears.

"I love you Padfoot."

The room was starting to fade. Sirius was starting to fade.

"I love you so much, Moony."

The colours swirled and with a last sad smile, he was gone.

~

Remus stayed still, before blinking open his eyes. He was alone, in the dark lounge of 12 Grimmauld Place. He wiped at his eyes, realising his face was wet with tears. Standing up he hurried towards the window and pulled back the curtains, staring into the dark sky. He found it almost immediately, Sirius, the Dog Star, twinkling down at him.

He stood watching, until the sun rose and the stars faded, gone only until the next night. Tasting tears he spoke, remembering some of their last words. "You'll always be there."

Things were clearer now. He'd fight, he'd help Harry and Dumbledore, save people from this kind of suffering. And when it was over, they'd be reunited. Together and happy, for all time.

The End.


End file.
